Article of the Week
Snippet:
An Honest Look at the Pros and Cons of Divorce
Key points
- Divorce can cause positive and negative outcomes for both the parents and children involved.
- Among the pros are greater freedom, room for growth, and an improved environment for children.
- However, stress and financial challenges can complicate outcomes for the family.
Are you considering divorce? Or has your spouse decided to end the marriage? Divorce is a complicated and emotional process that can have both positive and negative consequences. Some outcomes are positive for some people but affect others negatively.
Here are some of the pros and cons of divorce.
These are generally considered the pros of divorce:
Freedom and Independence
Pros: Divorce can provide individuals with the freedom and independence to make their own choices and live life on their terms. Don (not his real name) felt that he was in a constant power struggle with his wife. He wanted control over his own life, his environment, and his decisions.
Cons: Some may find this newfound independence overwhelming or lonely, especially if they are accustomed to a long-term partnership. Stuart had grown accustomed to a social life managed by his wife. After the divorce, he withdrew from friendships and struggled with depression.
Escape From Unhealthy Relationships
Pros: Divorce can provide an escape from abusive or toxic relationships, which can lead to improved mental and physical health. Ingrid had lived with an angry husband who frequently berated her in front of other people. She felt she always walked on eggshells to avoid triggering him. After her divorce, she felt liberated and relieved of the chronic stress, and her migraines stopped.
Cons: The divorce process can be emotionally challenging, and most people experience intense emotions during a divorce, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety. However, these emotions usually subside as you adjust to your new life.
These are usually considered the cons of divorce:
Emotional and Psychological Stress
Divorce is almost always emotionally and psychologically taxing, leading to stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Some individuals may struggle with these challenges for an extended period, impacting their overall well-being. Some seem to get stuck in their anger or grief after the divorce and can't “move on.” Working with a therapist can help you work through the emotions so that you can rebuild your new life.
Financial Challenges
While some experience improved financial situations, others may face significant financial challenges, including legal fees, dividing assets, and maintaining separate households. The financial burden of divorce can be long-lasting, affecting both spouses and their children. Supporting two homes may be stressful, and your children may be aware that money is tight.
If possible, protect them from the stress or worry that they might pick up from you. Megan, a child I worked with, told me, “There won’t be Christmas presents this year because Mom took all our money.” Megan felt insecure and angry at her mother.
Impact on Children
One of the most common worries parents express is how the divorce will “damage our children.” Divorce can create a more stable and peaceful home environment in some cases, which may be better for children’s well-being. Children often face emotional and psychological challenges during and after divorce, and it can strain parent-child relationships when they are drawn into loyalty binds or assume the roles of ally, messenger, spy, or confidante.
Social Stigma
In some cases, divorce may free individuals from a marriage that wasn’t socially or culturally accepted. Divorce can still carry a social stigma in some communities and cultures, leading to judgment and isolation. While the stigma of divorce has decreased over the past decades, many people still carry an internalized stigma. James said that the voice in his head kept saying, “You’re a failure, you’re a loser, you’ll never be happy, etc.” Remind yourself that it is the marriage that failed, not necessarily that you failed. It helps to understand your contribution to the failure of the marriage so that you can avoid those mistakes in the future.
For the full article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-better-divorce/202309/an-honest-look-at-the-pros-and-cons-of-divorce
